Friday, February 20, 2009

Me and Winter

I am not gonna lie, Winter and I do not get along.

It's funny that I should be writing this today, when the sun is shining and it's actually above 40 degrees. It's beautiful outside and, yet, here I am- at my computer, trying to finish up the post-production on 3 different jobs, and still whining about the weather. It's pathetic, I know.
It's just that the older I get, the more I find myself feeling the need to hibernate from the world from approximately December 31st until the end of March.

For 3 months of the year, EVERY year, I go inward. I ponder my life, I get scared that everything I do in the coming year will fail, I become paranoid and wonder out loud if a weakened sense of smell means I have a brain tumor, and I become an all-around difficult person. Believe me, my friends and family can attest to this. They have learned to patiently nod and pat my hand as I babble on about my latest fear, usually revolving around my business failing miserably and Joe and I living on the street. Then, when Spring rolls around and my energy returns and life ends up being more wonderful than I could have possibly imagined, they all politely refrain from saying "I told you so", and making me feel more like an idiot than I already do.

I blame all of this on Winter. I have fantasies about moving somewhere warm and tropical, away from the gray and rain and blah of Seattle during the cold months. I envision how my life would look- swimming in the ocean every day, eating mangoes and avocados that were bought from the fruit stand on the side of the road, and feeling warm without layers of sweaters.
I imagine feeling free and inspired and happy-- all the emotions I seem to be lacking during this time of year.

And yet, here's the thing;

I am beginning to open my mind to the possibility that this time- this grueling, emotional, scary time- is just a necessary part of the process of birthing something better. Spring would not feel nearly as magical without this time of darkness.

I know that is hardly a revelation. Death precedes birth, after all. But it's still hard to remember that when you are in the thick of it. When you are just trying to stay afloat, and have faith, and be hopeful, and trying desperately to get your energy back and feel inspired again.

I am going on and on for a few reasons.

First, this is a rambling and round-about explanation for my very intermittent visits to my blog over the past couple months.

Second, it's a reminder to myself that this time, too, shall pass.

And, third, it's a chance to post some words and photos that may speak to someone else who, like me, is battling the winter blues and waiting for the arrival of longer days.

Below is a random collection of images that I just really like. They aren't necessarily even "happy" photos, (although some of them are) and there is really no rhyme or reason to the shots I chose, (some are personal, some are from jobs) but I love them just the same.

I hope you enjoy them, too.